So, It's been a while..

So it's been a while since the last time I posted. Almost eight months to be exact. I can't really say that things are getting better, but I can't really say that they're getting worse either. Mom is still on chemo but we've changed it at least twice since the beginning of the year. Her one leg still is swollen, they say it's lymphodema. The cardiologist says that as long as the other leg doesn't get swollen, then it's not heart related. We actually had an appointment with her oncologist today. Mom has been feeling like crap A LOT lately. She basically only goes out to go to doctors' appointments. It's actually really sad. So since that incident back in January, Mom still has her ostomy bag. She's doing much better with it now. After months of figuring things out, they found something that fits right and she doesn't have an allergic reaction to. Well, she still has side effects due to her fistula (thats more than likely spelled wrong). Well, it makes it so that way she bleeds every so often. Well, at first she was only bleeding one every couple of weeks. It's gotten so frequent recently that it happens almost everyday. By the way, yes I do realize I keep saying "well..". Any who'sers. The doctor said that, between the amount of pain that she's been in lately (which almost always stays at a 9 on the 1-10 scale), and that her blood count markers went up, she's going to be getting another catscan. So Monday night she's getting admitted into the hospital for a catscan on Tuesday. Thursday we will be getting the results of the catscan, discuss another plan of action regarding chemo and then meet with her pain management doctor again.

To say that these things are scary, is an understatement. I have yet to get used to this stuff. It's just become routine. Not a routine I ever hoped to get used to. However, my depression has been so much better. Apparently you don't realize you have depression until you start thinking some crazy thoughts. Not that I think I'm clinically depressed or could actually be "diagnosed", but the things that I was experiencing were not normal. After talking to a few friends that have depression, venting to friends, crying my eyes out and being with Jordan, it became bearable. Right now, I'm actually excited to clean and decorate for fall and Christmas! But let me please explain to you how annoying and hurtful it is that someone who is supposed to be a close friend said "You're just overreacting". Like, no I'm not. And still sweeping it under the rug eight months later! There's a reason why we're not friends anymore. If you can't respect me and my feelings, why are we friends? Actually, while talking to someone at work who I thought may have gone through the same depressing feelings, she became one of my closest friends. She'll ask how my mom is, how I'm doing with everything, and she'll just let me vent/scream/cry to her. Which is NOT attractive on the sales floor. I'll even go visit her at work if I'm having a bad day just so she can brighten my day.

It's been a long day with lots of feelings but ugh. Making and keeping friends shouldn't be difficult. And I shouldn't have to want to slap you from across the table. How about we just don't say stupid obnoxious things that sound your like implying my mom's going to be dead in the next couple years. Yeah, that'd be great. Feelings over.