Lets start this out with a positive note. For Christmas my uncle, aunt and two little cousins came up! Soooo exciting! I love seeing my little cousins! They pretty much light up my life! Also, me and uncle are so close.. I hate that we live so far away. Anyway! Positive thoughts! I spent Christmas Eve with my family and then Christmas Day I went to Jordan's moms house and then we went to his dad's house for Christmas Day dinner. It was probably one of the best Christmas' ever. And it was so nice that Jordan's family accepted me like their own! They got me awesome gifts too! [Side note: Chemo the day after Christmas was a good chemo day.. even with mom's neph tube change.. just an early early day!]
Now on to some shittier news.. December 30th, at around 4:00 mom texted me saying that I might have to take her to the hospital. She was waiting on a phone call back from her doctor. It's gonna sound disgusting but she was pooping through her pee hole. Not a good sign right?! Yeah, I didn't think so either. That plus her constant up and down fevers, the doctor wanted us up at Highland. After finally getting there at 7, they did an ultrasound on her legs [her leg was swollen], doing an x-ray, and trying to cath her, they decided to keep her overnight. When we got up to the room they tried flushing her and did an ultrasound on her bladder.. after all of this, it was about 2:30 and she sent me home. All day on New Years Eve, I was freakin' out. I mean, who wouldnt? On New Years Eve or Day, they did a catscan. They figured out that what happened was that the tumor that was wrapped around her colon shrunk because of the chemo [YIPPY!], but it made it so that it ripped a hole in the bladder and colon. Because of that, there was an opening and everything was just flowing back and forth. A few days ago, they put in a colostomy bag for my mom. Since then, she's been in bed. She's got her catheter, nephrostomy tube and colostomy bag now. Plus she's hooked up to oxygen and those leg things to make sure she doesn't get any blood clots. When they did surgery though, rather than bringing the stretcher up, they brought her down in her own bed. Well, because of that, when they shifted her over.. they pulled a muscle in her back so she hasn't been able to really move or get out of bed at all. Physical therapy hasn't really helped at all either. Because well, they suck. She's supposed to come home Wednesday and have a follow-up appointment on Thursday with her doctor. However, this morning mom told me that her doctor said that if she can't get out of bed by Wednesday, then she's gonna have to go to a home.
Yes, a home! Do you know how crazy that makes me?! My mom is one of the strongest people I know! And before this stupid cancer came around, she was supposed to get her knees redone! We had the surgery scheduled! She was on the road to being her normal self again. Now she can't even catch a break! I'm literally fed up with God, the spirits, everything! I don't remember the last time I went without crying. It's been atleast a week. I have cried every. single. day. And honestly, probably even longer than a week. And I'll break down anywhere. In the shower, sitting on the couch, laying in bed, driving down a highway or my favorite.. while at work. I hate to sound like a terrible person.. but I see all of these people that get sick with cancer or whatever and they bounce right back. Or they've got so many people doing all of these benefits for them. And I'm just chillin' here. Taking mom to and from appointments by myself, working a part time job, she's retired and can't work, and there's no other income coming into the house. And no one really asks us if we need anything. I don't want to sound like I'm asking for a hand-out, but a little help would be nice. And no, I'm not about to ask for it. Because I was never a sports star or my mom was never a part of the PTA or whatever, it's as if people don't care. Or think about it, I guess. I'm not really sure. To say that my emotions are all over the board are an under statement. And well, yeah, I snap a lot. And I'm not proud of it. End Post.
